So who am I really and what made me become this present 'me'?
I am Chinese.
I was raised in Australia since I was born, got back to Hong Kong and was sent to this English elementary and high school, and continued my tertiary studies in Australia. I should have developed a solid knowledge in English, and people often question about my knowledge in Chinese. However, I'd have to say, I'm pretty good in Chinese yet I suck at English, including reading, writing and speaking. So why is this happening?
I was born in Hong Kong yet I was sent to Australia when I was a baby because of the June 4th incident. Dad stayed in Hong Kong to work while mum brought me, sister and brother to Sydney. My brother and sister are both older than me for more than 10 years, and they both studied in a Chinese high school in Hong Kong. Dad does not know English at all and he was really worried that I'd become someone who does not know Chinese at all. He is a typical traditional Chinese guy; he thinks we should be really good at Chinese and embrace every single bit of the Chinese culture (i.e. Chinese history, literature, calligraphy, kungfu/qigung, etc.) He then ordered mum and bro to indoctrinate me to be an absolute Chinese person.
So there we go, I started learning Putonghua in kindergarten and I was also taught to read Traditional Chinese from my brother at the same time. Of course I had no idea about this 'Chinese Indoctrination Strategy' so, being an innocent kid, I just accepted what was given. I actually loved 'learning' Chinese because my bro actually used comics to 'teach' me. I then started reading all kinds of comics like 足球小將 and 男兒當入樽. I LOVED reading these comics. Seriously, they were a great influence in my life. I learnt Chinese, soccer, basketball and fraternal loyalty. I then developed a habit in reading books, both Chinese and English, until someday my sister stopped me from doing so because she believed that buying books is a waste of money. I stopped reading books and when I went back to Hong Kong for elementary school, I started to learn about classic Chinese literature from dad by watching the stories on tv with him. Imagine a kid like me from elementary school, already know about 射雕英雄傳, 神雕俠侶, 倚天屠龍記, 三國演義, and most of the Chinese history from 堯舜 to 民國. Due to the influence of my family, I love and am pretty good at Chinese history. YAY.
When I got into this so called English high school, I never really read any books and I did not really learn fluent English because the teachers themselves are not that good. (haha ooops) When I got into F.4, my family forced me to give up on History and wanted me to study Science instead because they wanted me to be a Doctor or some other similar professionals. I hated my family because they forced me to do something I didn't want to do and I ended up getting really bad grades. Anyway, I stopped reading any literatures and focused on memorizing formulas instead. I think I was one of the worst Science students in my year but I'm lucky enough to pass all my subjects and got promoted to tertiary studies at a later stage.
As I've mentioned, I continued my studies in Australia. Being a bad Science student, I hated what I had been studying and I thought I would definitely refuse to study a Science-related course in university. After thorough considerations, I finally decided to take Industrial Design as my major. I don't really know if I just wanted to choose something that is against my parents' will, or is it really something I wanted. All I know right now is that I am doing fine in it, learnt a lot and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy doing this rather than memorising all those theory stuff like my commerce or law friends are doing. So yeah I'm now an Industrial Design student, and I do not need to do any writings or readings for this. So once again I do not get a chance in learning English in school at all. I usually hang out with Hong Kong people and did not get to know any English-speaking friends, and some knows the reasons. haha.
It was not long ago when I started to realise the importance of this situation. I started writing more blogs since last year because I've been doing a lot of thinking and I started to take note of what have been happening around me. I realised I could not really write well, both English and Chinese, nor can I read well. Now I know I had the best opportunities but I never treasured them, eventually become someone who is not fluent in both English and Chinese. I cannot write proper formal English nor Chinese at all, nor can I have a fluent English conversation with English-speaking people. Damn.
So I guess this is one of the reasons I decided to blog more so to practice writing more.
The question is:
Should I blog in English or in Chinese?
I can express myself better in Chinese yet I should really practise my English. hmm.
I guess I should do both.
One last thing. I really have to thank my friends for inspiring me, especially jk, sali and angel. Sometimes I worry that I cannot catch up with you guys because you are all really good at what you're doing and I can tell you will all turn into successful individuals in your future career. I worry about my future. I do not want to fall behind. Seriously, I feel like I know so little and I have a lot to catch up.
I want to be successful. I need to be.
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